Thursday, April 7, 2011

Ker-thunk ~ Thursday night

Oh its been a weird day...

Sticking to the challenge of only spending $21 on groceries and sundries is on target. We needed milk ($3), frozen beans ($1.79), wholemeal flour ($1.99) and splurged on some choc-coated ice cream icy-poles ($2.99) for SmallBoy - and us of course. *grins* So far we've spent $9.77 ~ leaving $11.23 to go through until 13th. If bartering continues as well as it has, it will only be milk and some dairy required - especially as the cat food aspect is sorted with Coles' brilliant special on Whiskas on the 31st. I didn't go back...

Everything set for payments have gone through successfully - no problems at all. We had funds available to cover SmallBoy's MRI ($60), his pain medications ($20.95), as well as those expenses on the day of his accident. The Council will no longer accept the $5 per month for the overdue home-help fees but will accept $10 per month. If I pay it at $5 per fortnight, it will be easier to manage and should be paid out earlier than scheduled. 

Lots of work has been going on about the house - more with the garden and weeding the Big Bed, getting ready to access the blackberry for its fruit and then pulling it all out. THAT will be a massive job and I am handing that part over to Husband! Physically some of the weeds get me struggling - I cannot imagine even trying to pull out blackberry vines. Heck changing the sheets on the queen-size beds is nigh on impossible for me!! Fingers crossed this delightful weather can continue for a few more days weeks ~ its making the outside work so much easier to accomplish.


A Medicated-Free Month
It's been about a month since I stopped taking pain medication. Yes, I ache and there is a level of constant of tolerable pain ~ but it is a part of what goes on for me. But it does not define me. I have never 'been' my disability, despite several people close to me in various levels using this as a reason to define and categorise me. I've always said I have currently limitations and inabilities - this does not seem to have been heard as intended, rather an excuse to not do.

Goals, hope and dreams for the future are clear and attainable. Wants and needs are too. I want to be stronger and fitter than I have ever been. I need to be living a simpler, less stressful life and one which can be reflected as sustainable and manageable. I want to get to Queensland ~ to find a section of land within reasonable distance of beach and mountain. I need to be somewhere warmer. I think our family will flourish in an environment of daylight, dark nights and warmer weather. I want to be a self producer - maybe a stall holder of natural goodies, or a bartering co-op, or some learning/teaching venture on returning to a more earthy, wholesome life.

The thing is ~ I am not really sure who I am any more. Or what exactly I want to be ~ knowing I can be anything... Humour me. 

I've been a journalist while at school and an industry trade editor shortly after leaving high school. I've been a business owner with an annual turnover of almost $1million (but little profit!), I've been an employee with passion and dedication, an employee with ambition and drive, a loving mother dealing with child with extreme behavioural disorders, food intolerances, a friend empowering, supporting and helping others. 

So I am not my pain or my disability ~ well, not much - its all the head space now. I don't know what or who I want or need to be. I know I need to be a mother, a wife, a homemaker, alive ~ but it is so tiring, so unorganised. I am a little impatient - knowing some things could be aided with extra income to get assistance in on housework, garden work ~ these activities take considerable time and effort (and procrastination) when I'm doing it.

Husband is a great man, a supportive man, a wonderful husband, lover, friend and father - but he is not an organised man. He does not manage time well. He is a procrastinator, avoider, picks the fun over the necessary. While a great trait - the balance is too heavy on the fun stuff that can occupy his time and focus. He'll say '5 mins' and then be gobsmacked when its 45mins later and I've done/been/whatever (cracked it) and often disbelieving of the time passing. There is no such thing as 'in 10 mins' because that's an hour. We never leave on time for anything.

I feel like I am walking on a wire keeping me together, moving forward or at least not falling behind or stagnating. I set three main goals to achieve each day - one household, one de-cluttering and one which provides joy - usually the garden. But I am not getting these done well. The mess is a big issue - its everywhere and even taking little steps do not seem to be working. I want to throw everything, and I mean everything, out. But financially this is foolish - eBay has been so good for sales, when I get to it - I hope to enlist SmallBoy's help in the uploading of pictures. 

Its a vicious circular cycle which I can't break as I don't hold all the power - and its not just about being in control, or having the control. I am happy to be the captain, but the crew need to use a little initiative.  Sure, hubby knows he has to step up, find his priorities, work out his goals - its got little to do with the love, more to do with the processes. All the love in heaven is not going to get the lawn mowed, the windows washed or the roof fixed - those I cant do, cant afford to outsource. *sighs* Its never ending...

To ensure some positive actual changes are implemented, if only by me for me, I am setting Daily Intentions ~ but only one at a time. I set the first one and tweeted it earlier. As each one is achieved, successful or not, I shall set my next intention - be it a goal, an activity, a commitment to an undertaking. You get the idea. 

My Daily Intention:  
Tomorrow I will rise at 8am. I will tweet I am up and eating breakfast by 830am. Please support me as I implement change into my life

So - time for bed. I am off to make rosemary sprigs (for ANZAC Day parade participants and attendees), planning to get into town by 930 and help out for a few hours. Husband is taking SmallBoy to school for a few hours to catch up with friends before the school holidays start. It's going to be about 4-5 weeks before he next goes to school, if he does not have surgery - otherwise it might be longer. 

As always I waffle - time to go to bed (after I set a load of washing off for the night - hot water is cheaper at night *tip*).  Speaking of washing - don't forget to submit your hint to have the chance to win one of three Bosisto's Eucalyptus Packs ~ details are here -->  <Click here to go to the Giveaway post

OK ~ going now...

and I bitch about Husband's procrastinating habits and poor time management... *grins*

1 comment:

  1. You are doing great Mands! And while *I'm* procrastinating - I'm going to check out your giveaway post!! I'll have a giveaway up soon too - probably sometime this week - so will let you know :D